and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
