im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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