Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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