i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I need to stop coming to work sober
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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