I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize