We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
