Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My day in three words: secret purse cake
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
