mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
