you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
