you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
