I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i think i have herpe
just one?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
