i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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