I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
