I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
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And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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