um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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