Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
