I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
