Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
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i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
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All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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