You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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