Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
