Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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