I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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