Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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