He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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