I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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