Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
