I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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