Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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