btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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