I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
