I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
