oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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