dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
