Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
