I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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