halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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