I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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