I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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