why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
