yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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