Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
