she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
