I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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