I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
