i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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