that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
