I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
