So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
