I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
