Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
