What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
