Whatcha textin bout Willis?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
