We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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