She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
