I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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