If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
