One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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