I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Pooping to opera.
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