Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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