My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
