Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
