I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
