Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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