So drunk its hurt
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
