You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
