she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
