I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
