i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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