Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
