I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
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You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Did I show you my penis last night?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
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You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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