The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
